Today i want us to discuss the topic “Hurt People Always Hurt Others so Heal First” . The events of the past two weeks starting from the #endsars movement, to the #endswat and then #endbadgovernance really showed how deeply hurt many citizens had been with the SARS endemic. A protest that started of peacefully escalated into full blown unrest that ended up crippling activities nationwide. These events pointed to the fact that the pain directed towards the citizenry by the now defunct SARS group cut real deep. On deep reflection, i couldn’t help but liken this to our personal lives and the pain we feel when we’re let down by people or taken advantage of.
This led me to asking the question, “Why do people hurt others”?.
Emotionally damaged people have always been known to hurt other people and cause them much pain. I have seen adults who grew up under a lot of emotional abuse doing the same to their spouses, sexually abused kids growing up to become women who use sex as a tool for control or men who sexually molest others.
These people who underwent a lot of abuse as children grow up not processing and unpacking their pain & for any pain not processed, the sufferer will mask it. Masked pain stemming from abuse leads many into correctional positions. clerics, military, teachers, fathers, mothers etc. because they seek for some form of restitution with every help they render. Unfortunately, pain and hurt need to be confronted and not masked. This has become the reason for a lot of abuse, rape, rage prevalent in society.
SPIRITUAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL
This directed my thoughts to the concept of spirituality in Nigeria and Africa at large. We are the most spiritual people. Every kilometer littered with churches, mosques, herbalists but yet with actions very dissociated from spirituality. Why are we a spiritual people yet have some of the ugliest people (in terms of character) around. I personally believe it’s partly because;
“We have been taught to battle psychological problems with spirituality, is there something wrong with combining both spiritual and psychoanalytic approaches to solution finding? Absolutely not!
Emotional health needs have been starved for a long time and people with emotional needs made to appear weak. This made them mask these emotions and hurt people around them as ways of feeling better with themselves.
NOW I KNOW I’M HURTING OTHERS BECAUSE I’M ALSO IN PAIN
I speak to people who have imprisoned themselves in their pain everyday. I show them ways to release themselves from the shackles they’ve placed themselves in. In extreme cases, i have to take them back to their place of emotional pain so they experience it again after which they forgive themselves and the person who hurt them. With all of this, i have learnt a few things about pain and people who hurt that i would love to share;
A) Suspicion: Hurt people look at every motive and action through the pain they have gone through in the course of their lives. This keeps them eternally on guard with their emotions.
Solution: You need to understand that not everyone is out to hurt you. There are some good people around and when good people around you have to walk on egg shells, they would most likely make mistakes that would further entrench your suspicion.
B) Aggression: That angry response, harsh tone of voice, rage directed towards people around them is simply a case of rage and aggression transference.
Solution: You may need to get some anger management help to help you unbundle your emotions and better express it.
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