My topic for today is “Craving Sexual Attention is A Drug & Social Media is It’s Pimp”. Please understand that i believe the internet is a game changer that leveled off the playing field in tech, commerce and various other business sectors. However with every good thing comes perverted uses of the medium. When i speak to parents and their kids, one of the key issues that keep arising are the fact that their children have been caught posting overtly indecent pictures online with the intention of attracting comments from the opposite gender. This is an issue that is becoming rampant in society because the internet is filled with case studies.
It seems like a sexual rage has overtaken the entire online channel with underage boys and girls in a hurry to express their sexuality. I personally have come to understand that the reason many people express unhealthy sexual characteristics is tied into the environment they grew up in, the visual aspects of entertainment availed to them, the level of correction received from parents and peer influence amongst many other factors. Although it’s not my topic for today, let’s talk about what our children need to know because many parents still struggle with this.
What to Teach Kids Between Ages 2 to 6
The average African parent is a professional in correcting their kids on what is right or wrong but becomes almost tongue tied when the discussion tilts towards sexual talks. Our kids naturally explore their body from tender ages by touching, pulling and rubbing everywhere. Your job as their parent is to help assist them in learning about each body part and how it works. The American Academy of Pediatrics helped parents differentiate between the normal and the not-so-normal actions when it comes to children. Please understudy the table below.
WHY ARE WOMEN (& MEN TOO) OVERSEXUALIZING THEMSELVES
I may not have all the answers but i notice that when it comes to craving for sexual attention it has a gendered distinction. The internet and social media specifically now seem to have embraced a worrisome level of exhibitionism. Females show off body parts to either get fame or to retain their famed status in the case of celebrities.
These sexual displays have the characteristics of a scandal, a performance and elements of self-commercialization. The fact that social media by it’s highly interactive nature allows for full expression has resulted in women hypersexualizing themselves hoping that they could attract celebrity status or wealthy patrons. This sudden potential to attain a micro-celebrity (slay queen) status is fueling the desire by many women to bare it all. This desire taps into a general mis-conception that celebrities should bare all. Social Media has generalized this desire and everyday individuals have come to expect this same level of display from each other. The same way everyone wants to know about what truly happens in the life of a celebrity, people now want to know what happens in each others lives. With most women now seeing themselves as micro-celebrities, they also believe that their social longevity is dependent on their ability to hold your attention and keep visible.
There are individuals who try to distance themselves from this painful craving for sexual attention by living it out through avatars and fake profiles all over social media. The sad truth is this. The effect still remains the same”
– Temple Obike, LMFT
This need for attention and visibility is the reason the internet has exploded with;
A) Diverse erotic dance troops (p.s: there is a thing line between dance, religion and sexuality)
B) Sexual user generated videos with females (and guys) pouting, winking, rubbing their hair and striking sultry poses etc.
C) Twerk Videos
D) Owner generated soft-porn clips
WHEN SEXUAL ATTENTION GETS OUT OF HAND
The newfound ability to bypass traditional media gatekeepers and hit the internet with content is a rush for most of these micro-celebrities and established celebrities. Content that otherwise would have undergone strict regulation finds it’s way to mainstream Social Media. The effect of this rush is that it slowly morphs into a “Drug-like effect”. Something more sinister and so blinding that these girls go to the length of taking of their clothes under the notion that it signifies true empowerment and outward rebellion against authority. This in reality has nothing to do with empowerment but has everything to do with a subconscious pressure related to the male gaze and their constant need for attention and validation.
My stance in life has always been this, If you lie to everyone else, NEVER lie to yourself. We are all emotional beings who sometimes require validation from others. Regardless of this need, my advice to any woman out there whose need to attract attention has led them to demeaning lifestyles, falsehood and overt sexuality to please look inward. As much as you may struggle with my advice, we both know that deep down, there is a reason you require this attention. I have spoken to slay-queens, slay-mama’s, slay-gran’s in the past five years and there was always a reason for their choices.
Available on Podcast:
SOME REASONS I HAVE STUMBLED ON IN MY CAREER;
Do You Doubt Yourself:
Many women rather than going deep down to find out what the real issues are would rather go for the quickest way to attract approval “A physical Make-over” (that face-lift, that implant, that tummy tuck etc.). This works magic almost immediately but not for long because what really needs help are internal and not on the outside. If you need someone’s approval to be yourself then it simply means that something on the inside needs change to make you more confident in yourself. When you are confident in who you are, you wouldn’t require the use of the physical to get attention.
Do Your Past Choices Haunt You
Everyone makes mistakes they aren’t proud of and many are still plagued with the fear that they may make similar mistakes and earn for themselves a permanently bad reputation. This has led many of the succesful women we know today towards a life of hard-work and self-proof. Their way of attracting the respect and recognition they feel they deserve. Firstly you need to accept yourself with your past mistakes, forgive yourself and this is the point you determine to move ahead and become better. This way you aren’t nursing any emotional wounds while trying to make it over..
Are You Looking For Love
Many women seek micro-celebrity status leading them to a life of exhibitism. Whereas what they are in search of could just be the love, admiration and respect from someone, Just one person. Most of the people i have spoken to who had this as their causative reason for needing sexual attention denied themselves this truth for the fear of emotional pain that comes with rejection (which they may have been subject to at some time). This game of craving general sexual attention becomes a way to mask themselves from the vulnerability they feel if they had to request for that same attention from one person.
Do You Need Support
At least 50% of the cases i’d seen craved overt sexual attention with the hope that they would meet someone who could help them cope with life’s issues. Many have come from lack-filled homes or broken families that damaged them emotionally and therefore are afraid to live it all over again. They are in search of men who would help them change their perspective on relational living and cope with the emotional stigma.
Are You Looking For What You Father (or mother) Never Gave
If parents understood half of the impact their actions have on their children, they would do a lot much better. Let’s concentrate on the girl child for a bit. Many girls have grown up especially in traditional African society believing that their male counterparts were better than them. This was a message subtly passed across by parents in off-guarded moments. These girls were never validated by their fathers and so constantly require this validation from any male. Their sexual attention is simply a deviant turn from the major problem which is “Seeking Attention”. For many of these women, sex or sexuality proves to be a potent way of attracting and retaining attention without giving out too much of themselves emotionally. This also gives them an illusion of control because most men inline with their genetic pre-dispositions would tag along and obey orders if that was all it took to get sex.
When we do see women and men (young or old) seeking attention, try and go beyond the apparent. This i have discovered most times is usually an internalized cry for help which the averagely dysfunctional person hears more often. Dysfunction calls to dysfunction. That is the reason armed robbers will attract prostitutes and slay mama’s attract men who have sunken deep into all forms of vices.
Dear queen, try and look deep inside yourself when the cameras, lights, loud music, drugs and hot boys have all gone home. Ask yourself one question “Why do i really crave help or attention to feel alive?” Only you can honestly answer that question for yourself. The moment you know the reason, i can guarantee you that half of your problems are solved. Regardless of how far into this lifestyle you have gone, there is always an opportunity to start making the right decisions and overcome the craving for sexual attention.
As always, i hope this piece on “Craving Sexual Attention is A Drug & Social Media is It’s Pimp” helped someone. The more you understand why you need to receive sexual attention from the opposite (or same) sex, the more your ability to stand up and begin making the right decisions. Forget the celeb status, forget the attention because those are not healthy. Withdraw from all of these and take back the control on what true happiness means for you and everyone who has been looking up to you. Knowledge they say is power but i say in it’s right application lies real mastery.
Written by Obike Temple
A Counselor, psychotherapist, brand-Sage and entrepreneur who has counseled over three-hundred couples, individuals, substance abuse and grief-stricken clients.
For more information on related issues and to schedule an appointment with “Temple’s Counsel” visit our counseling page, chat us up via our website or send a whatsapp message to +2348109055475.
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